


a dark night destined for heartbreak

by the_strangest_person



Series: Treacherous Hopes [1]
Category: Anne of Green Gables - L. M. Montgomery, Anne with an E (TV)
Genre: 3x08, Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bonfire scene, Confusion, Cute, Drunken Confessions, Extended Scene, Heartbreak, Love, Love Confessions, Marriage Proposal, Miscommunication, Renew Anne with an E, Shirbert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-03
Updated: 2020-03-03
Packaged: 2021-02-22 23:41:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23002255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_strangest_person/pseuds/the_strangest_person
Summary: ~ a drunken anne at the ruins refuses to let gilbert leave until she knows what he really wants from her, and the pair can't help but start arguing~
Relationships: Gilbert Blythe/Anne Shirley
Series: Treacherous Hopes [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1653115
Comments: 22
Kudos: 156





	a dark night destined for heartbreak

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Abi117](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Abi117/gifts).



> this was suggested by @Abi117 who wanted another version of the 'bonfire scene', this might not have been exactly what you were looking for but I hope that you enjoyed it anyway! I would love for you all to leave comments before I upload the second part, let me know what you think!

**_May I speak with you, please?_ **

It had all started out so _fun_. As she tilted her head back and let the burning liquid trickle down her throat, as they giggled like young children and pretended to focus in silly competitive games, not having a care in the world. As her dizzy body span circles on top of the wooden boat, she could feel the warmth of the flames almost catching the tips of her hair, like burning hot ribbons. But she couldn't find it within herself to care, twirling around in front of the bonfire so that for one moment - she felt as if she held the entire world in the palm of her hand. Before she discovered that one question could change everything, Anne imagined that she was a pirate preparing for battle, cheering on her shipmates that would soon join her hunt for treasure. Her mind was running at millions of miles per second, buzzing and humming like a firefly. She didn't even notice his silhouette getting closer at first, unaware that he was watching her like the captain of the ship that had accidentally stumbled upon his very own treasure chest. But as soon as she clumsily stopped and met his gaze, perhaps the captain had not found what he was looking for after all, blurting out the words with such desperation as if she was the only one that held the answers. He spoke the question as if she was tearing him apart without even knowing it, throwing her into the deep end and suddenly - _it wasn't fun anymore._

"I don't understand...what's holding you back?"

_"Just...one thing."_

In that moment she was brought back to every single time that she stood in front of him, the pair of them teetering on the edge of something unknown, right back to the moment that she felt the twinge of panic. It was that panic that always made her run from him before they could take that leap. Whenever she was around him, there was some kind of electric current within the air that awakened every nerve in her body, sending her warning bells that something was going to happen - something important. It sometimes felt like that moment in every fairytale, the desperation and realization of their true feelings, running out of time as the clock ran down, just before the happily ever after. She had already assumed that it was too late for their own story, that another princess had stolen away the prince that she so desperately longed for. But as she sat on that log, fiery embers almost kissing his cheeks, her stomach wouldn't stop churning. He was looking at her like he expected her to _understand_ , to know what he wanted and _she didn't,_ she didn't have a _single clue_. Without even realizing it, he was shaking everything upside down in a world that had always been so familiar.

"Gilbert..." her voice sounded weak, like he had wounded her, "...please, what do you mean? What are you...trying to say?"

He looked down at his fidgeting hands and it became clear to her that he wasn't sure after all, that he didn't even know himself. They were both stumbling around like fools in the dark, like always did, but it seemed that neither of them could break the curse. It took Anne a moment to even notice that their hands were brushing, but when she did finally notice, she couldn't stop. Every graze of his fingers against hers made her feel like there was a fire deep within her heart, but not a scalding heat that would have sent her flinching away, instead it was warm and welcoming like lying in front of a fireplace. It was terrifying how natural it all felt and she couldn't help but smile at the memory of their dance practice, how it didn't, for a single second, feel like the first time. She managed to glance up at his face reflecting the dancing flames and when his lips began to twist into a distracted smile, she wondered if they were sharing the same thought.

"Tell me not to marry her..."

Anne's eyes snapped up to meet his, _maybe not the exact same thought_ , she panicked inwardly.

"W-What?" she stuttered.

He brushed his fingers against hers once more, but this time he held on, letting her know that it wasn't accidental, "... _tell me that I have a reason not to marry her_ , that I-I should get back on the train and ruin everything."

She felt her eyes squeezing shut, "...I c-can't."

"Why not?" he sounded so hurt.

 _"That's exactly why, Gilbert!",_ she finally found the strength to look at him and pull her fingers away from his, "...it would _ruin everything_! I-I can't ruin your future and you just told me that they laid everything out for you. You could take their offer, you could go straight back and propose and then everything would be right! You wouldn't be stuck as a country doctor and you could go onto better things, everyone always knew that you would...I always knew that you would leave again and I-I...I became okay with that."

"Anne..." he shook his head, "...you don't understand-"

"You're right, I really don't. I-It just seems as if you have everything in front of you and you don't want it anymore. I don't understand, Gilbert...the Sorbonne is your dream and Winifred seems so-"

He cut her off, "...you already said all of that-"

"It's true!" she argued, "...Gilbert, I could never ask you to give all of that up, I could never stand in the way of everything that you have ever wanted."

Just as soon as the words left her lips, he saw it. It may have all made sense to the universe, everything may have worked out perfectly, but it wouldn't be enough for him. Not when there were countless reasons for him to stay, to stay right there in that moment and let the moon wrap them up in its arms forever. The truth was that ever since he came back home, there had never been a force of gravity keeping him there, he always had the opportunity to take their family elsewhere. But as soon as he thought about seeing more of the world, making sure that he never felt trapped in one place again, he always thought of one reason to stay. He thought of red braids and hopeful blue eyes that could take on the world, of playful spelling competitions and the one face among many that always understood him better than anyone else. It was the same reason that had him heading in the direction of the ruins before going home, some unidentifiable force that pulled him towards the bonfire and didn't want him to stop until he had a reason to stay. There had been so much left unsaid between them over the years and in that moment, Gilbert still didn't have the right words that would make her see the truth. Part of him wasn't sure if he could ever make her understand something that he didn't truly understand himself.

His voice was barely above a whisper _,"What if that's not all I want?"_

If she had been standing up, her legs may have given way and sent her toppling over with no safety net. Her imagination had heard similar words before in the dreams that she refused to remember, dreams of a prince with dark hair and hazel eyes that trotted over to Green Gables on a horse. She had dreamed of this moment for longer than she would admit, certainly before the dance practice that left butterflies tickling her rib cage. But although her imagination had tried to prepare her for this very moment, every single response sounded wrong in her head and she had suddenly forgotten every word from the dictionary that was hiding away somewhere. In the background she could hear voices growing closer and Gilbert's pleading eyes tore away from hers to glance behind them with impatience. Anne only realized that the girls had joined them when they forced her up from the log, quickly pulling her away from him - a move which felt so _wrong_ somehow.

His mumble sounded robotic, "I'll be off then...goodnight."

When she turned away from the fire once more, his stance looked shaky and his eyes were still on her as if he was waiting for her to look at him. But she got the sense that he already had an answer, that he had expected the worst and couldn't dare ask for more. Her insistent eye contact didn't seem to be enough for him and when he finally made it halfway down the path to the woods, she stumbled after him and ignored the calls of her friends.

_"Gil-Gilbert!"_

At first he didn't hear her, or maybe he just couldn't bear to listen to whatever she had to say. But when her hand grabbed his arm, keeping him rooted to the ground, the entrance of the woods around them, he finally stopped. The buzzing within his mind had finally become silent, allowing him a moment of peace. After all of those years, the girl with the strong opinions and loud voice had somehow always found a way to make him feel so _quiet_.

"Anne, I-"

She could feel the moonshine sloshing around in her belly, making her feel dizzy and unstable as she clung onto his forearms for dear life, "...You can't just walk away like that...y-you can't just run away, Gilbert."

He frowned, voice defensive, "I'm not running away."

"You were going to...and you c-can't do that because it's me that always runs away...", her words were confusing but he tried to listen, watching her eyes fly around their surroundings as if she couldn't keep track of her thoughts, "...I've always been the one that runs away when I get scared of you and I-I want you to know that you do that. You scare me a lot and not b-because you are a bad person or because you are cruel, in fact, you are the complete opposite of those things and I don't always tell you that."

"Anne...maybe you should-"

Her grip on him tightened, eyes pleading and full of tears, "...Gilbert...how could you look at me like I'm going to break your heart? Your heart isn't even _mine_ to break and I-I..."

His hands found hers in the darkness, his lantern down by their feet, forgotten, _"...Anne, surely you must know..."_

She shook her head, "No, no, no..."

Gilbert felt like a fool, like a cruel coward standing in front of her and asking so much when she was clearly in no state. But he was a coward and he couldn't leave when she was holding onto him so desperately, looking at him like she needed him to stay. He was looking for any answer, the smallest sign that would convince him to change the course of his life forever, to follow his heart.

 _"I was going to tell you",_ Anne blurted out.

His voice turned softer. "What?"

She looked down, fiery hair falling into her face and he fought the urge to brush it back, "...I've been confused for so long a-and I didn't know what to say to you because I-I didn't even understand it myself, I didn't know what I was feeling and I still don't. But after everything I just didn't know what would happen if I told you and I-I could have imagined everything that I thought meant something...when in the end, it might not have meant anything to you. I-I went to go see a stupid fortune teller and she told me that you were my fish and then that you weren't my fish after I saw you with Winifred and...that just broke my heart because I was ready. I thought...destiny...and _I was going to...",_ she cut herself, shaking her head furiously, _"...so, so stupid."_

Gilbert's eyebrows furrowed, "Anne...what-"

 _"Ruby..."_ she whispered the name with such tenderness but it was bitter at the same time, "...Ruby w-wanted me to talk to you about the take notice board, so that you would finally take notice o-of her."

He let out a small, sad chuckle, "I figured as much."

 _"I wanted...I-I wanted you to take notice of me"_ she whispered, eyes filled with tears that she wouldn't let fall.

He whispered his own truth, _"I wanted you to ask me to post...about us."_

They both fell silent, hearing nothing but the distant woodland creatures as their words crumbled to nothing. The woods were ominously dark, expect for a few shreds of moonlight from above but the golden lantern at their feet kept them both from melting into the darkness. Time felt suspended as if they had frozen all clocks, winding them back until there was nothing but them and the universe. Anne looked down with a shaky breath and noticed that their hands were still woven together, clinging on so that they didn't fade away into the dark night without each other. Although everything was laid out in the open, the moment felt heavy.

Gilbert spoke first, voice steady, _"What should I do?"_

He looked at her with such trust, eyes searching hers as if his entire fate was balanced in her hands, his heart for her to keep. In that moment she feared that all of his words were true, that he would give everything up in a heartbeat for her, to run away and live in the woods like one of her childish stories. She closed her eyes and broke their contact, knowing that life was not a fairytale.

_"You should propose to Winifred."_

"W-What?"

His voice sounded so unlike him that she couldn't bear to look at him, focused on the lantern as she wrapped her arms around herself. The bright light from the lantern made her eyes sting after a moment but it didn't hurt as much as the disappointment within that one word.

"Gilbert...this is just an excuse-"

"Y-You-"

"All of this with Winifred is just another excuse for us... _don't you see?_ All we ever do is make excuses and that is all that we will ever do."

"I-I-"

"Even if there was nothing stopping us..." she wrapped her arms around herself, keeping her voice firm so that she could try and believe her own words, "...we would never work. We fight all of the time, we can never tell each other what we are really thinking, we would always be unhappy and-"

His voice cracked. "A-Anne-"

She finally looked at him and in that moment, almost let her face crumple at the look on his face, _"...You should propose to her."_

There were so many words that Gilbert wanted to say, words that were right there on the tip of his tongue. _You're breaking my heart_ , he wanted to say, _please don't do this, tell me to stay, say anything but this_. Her words hurt more than anything he could have imagined, stabbing into his heart like knives. But he knew that unlike a normal wound, her words would leave him with internal bleeding that would poison his life from that day forward, draining the life out of him until he was weak and defenseless. He knew that she didn't mean it, but in a way that made it hurt even more. It hurt because she now knew how he felt, perhaps part of her had always known deep down, but they had both laid their cards out on the table and she had still chosen the easy way. She had still chosen to give up on them. He felt nothing but cold the day that his father died, a frostbite that covered his heart and left him feeling detached from the world around him. It left him longing for any kind of feeling, just to know that he was still human and capable of feeling emotions other than the cold that had settled onto his chest like concrete. But her words burned him like scorching hot flames, as if he had become engulfed in the bonfire itself and his screams fell upon deaf ears. She was still looking at him and he couldn't understand how she could look at him, knowing that she was breaking his heart and smashing it onto the floor. He tried to pretend that he had imagined the entire night, but the color had been sucked out of his soul and he couldn't ignore it. He had never found himself wanting to be far away from Anne Shirley-Cuthbert, but in that moment, he could barely look at her.

"I'm s-sorry", those were the only words that she offered.

Gilbert felt tears burning his eyes, turning away sharply at the last moment so that she wouldn't see them rolling down his cheeks. His words were icy as he started walking away from her, _"Yeah, me too."_

Anne was left alone in the outskirts of the woods, watching him stride away from her with heavy steps and a hung head. She heard him sniff and her own sobs broke free at the image of him walking back home in tears, knowing that there could never be any future for them. She swallowed back her regret, wiping her traitorous tears as his figure melted away into the darkness of the woods. The world felt cold without the warmth of his lantern by her feet and the devotion that had always been in his eyes, something that she had always been too afraid to take notice of. In her foolish youth, she could recall herself wishing for a tragical romance, a tale that would make its reader gasp and weep at the sour ending. She longed for a sad yet beautiful story, but as she stood there in the lonely woods with the broken look on his face etched into her mind, she realized that there was nothing beautiful about it. In the end, it was nothing more than a dark night destined for heartbreak.

**Author's Note:**

> this is what my brain came up with at around 3 am last week when I couldn't sleep - thank you insomnia!
> 
> hang in there until part 2! 
> 
> \- jodie


End file.
